Well, here goes...

I've decided that I'm going to take a risk. This isn't something unusual for me but this is a different one than normal. I have decided that I need a way to seriously evaluate and think about my walk with God and I'm going to do it via this blog. I debated for quite a while (in my standards) over whether or not this was a good idea. Not everyone wants to share with the world the things I intend to in this blog. In fact, most people would probably have a hard time sharing it with people they trusted and looked up to. But, me being the type of person that I am, I feel like this will be a way for me to make myself really think about the difficult topics. Things such as "does God really exist?", "do I deserve His forgiveness?", and "what should I do about it?".

I'll start with this and then I really do need to go to bed. I grew up going to Sunday school every week in a Lutheran church until I was confirmed in eighth grade. After confirmation, I joined a youth group at an Assembly of God church in my home town and went there almost every week until about my junior/senior year. After my senior year of high school I went to work at a Lutheran bible camp. This was a wonderful experience for me but it left me feeling kind of empty. When I got to college, my random roommate was a very dedicated and new Christian. She got me to start going to church with her as well as a campus group run by the Assembly of God churches. The group I quit attending because of the people in it but the church is one thing that has remained relatively constant throughout my college career.

I say all this because I want it to be clear that I grew up in the church, albeit a relatively wide variety. I know all the right answers to most questions posed by people. I can regurgitate it like mother bird feeding her young. That is the very reason I'm doing this blog. My faith isn't real to me anymore. I know who God is, what He did for us and why, but it doesn't mean anything to me. Therefore, when I go about my life doing things that I know are not what God wants, I don't care.

I'm trying to decide if this scares me or not.

So, from now until I get bored with it, this will be my outlet. This will be the place where I share all my fears and triumphs, my doubts and my joys. Feel free to join me or not. But here we go. It should be an eye opening experience.